Insomnia hole

I'm sitting in bed, what time is it ? I do not know, I do not want to look either, too tired, too something else, too, sick? I squirm all night, I suffer from insomnia and when I wake up like this I squirm, I get comfortable, then uncomfortable, I start to fade into slumber and then thoughts. This night is different though, it is not the same insomnia I usually have, the kind where I stir and my mind races and instead of fighting it, getting upset and wondering, what the fuck is wrong with me? I am tired, why can't I sleep, now I revel in it, accept it , squirms and all. I feel my stomach gurgles tremble in protest of, whatever I did earlier, drinking, I remember drinking and listening to an audiobook, a literal past time, no big deal I thought, I always drink, I always listen to audiobooks.

 

                           "BURPPPPP" my stomach debated, I feel relieved somewhat but I feel a tightness in my stomach, I know this burp is the first of a series of gastro intestinal discomfort symphony my body wanted to conduct. I finally muster up enough energy from being conscious to look at my phone lying next to me, it's 3:45 am, do I want to get up ? stretch? no, other than the stomach issues my head feels gross, like I drank too much last night but, it didn't feel gross right away, it was minutes later. stomach gurgles again, more flatulent air expels from my mouth as I try to manage the discomfort by undulating my mid section and  gulping a little then sighing, the sighing more from the frustration than anything. Then I start remembering or, I remember that I do not remember going to sleep, I am trying to chill out on my drinking so I immediately feel bad about this discovery, I try to think harder about what happened, I am not fully clothed, I think to myself so I must have undressed before bed. I drank a lot, I remember, I started at two in the afternoon, and drank myself to sleep, apparently.

 

 

                   The feeling of guilt, basic gluttonous guilt rushes like blood to my extremities over me, disappointed in my lack of willpower to stop drinking before I pass out, then I think well at least I am home and in bed, i was not out making a full of myself or burning some bridge present pre or post tense in my life. I was contained in the safety of my own private wasteland at the time, my audiobook, my drink, and me, my mind dancing with poison and ideas while being told a award winning story, this is what relaxing should be. At which point that I over did It I do not know, I remember that the alcohol was delicious, flowing and light on me, sometimes alcohol makes you feel heavy and exhausted but, not this time at least, I felt good which explains the amount of drinking, plus I was constantly moving, motivating my metabolism to process the alcohol more efficiently than it would if I was lounging around. I also remember that the last time I ate was maybe around the time I started drinking, two sausages and two hot dog buns, that it. I needlessly panic about that fact that I have not eaten because I know that the possibility for puking is higher now, at this very moment I taste that familiar taste in my mouth.

 

               I panic a little wondering if I should make way for the bathroom now or try to wait it out, the only thing worse than vomiting is waiting to vomit, more than a minute is almost intolerable, more than likely you are on all fours or lying down on the microscopic feces particle stained bathroom floor. I take the gamble, I feel like I am stronger than the urge to vomit right now, i can flex away the convulsions, i swear bro! But I can not stop burping, my stomach will not stop gurgling. I began to look for my mary jane, my pot, my weed and I do not see it, I grab my pipe and try to take a puff of what was left last night, nothing, damn. I turn my phone light on and look around for my container that holds my buds, my cannabis, my sweet lady maria, and it is nowhere to be seen and then I feel it, the next burp was no regular burp, it was bile, in my throat.

 

 

               I hop up and make my way to the bathroom, I honestly do not know if I'll make it , it was a close call but I made and immediately dropped to my knees, I convulse once then a burst of vomit and a few more, then a dry heave or two, I spit and cleaned around my mouth and left the bathroom. I realize my weed was in my car so I get dressed meagerly, leave my apartment and head down the stairs to the lobby then outside to my car. I open my car door and  there's my weed sitting in the passenger seat, I notice I feel  a lot  better than I did a few minutes ago thinking, " damn, sometimes you just need to puke, I guess" . I go back up to the apartment smoke a bowl and at this point I feel better, now I can enjoy my insomnia in the unreasonably alert peace I have grown accustomed to, however though, being sick, exhausting all that forced energy at once burnt me out, I did fall back to sleep for a few hours at 6:30 a.m. until about 8 a.m.  i'll take it.

 

vince stephen

90015

My name is vince Stephen, I was born in Muskegon, MI, when I was 2, I moved to Hampton, Virgina, I grew up in VA playing sports and loving music and art. I moved back to Muskegon in my twenties and started making music in 2003. Lived in Muskegon until 2014 when I moved to Los Angeles, a long awaited moved that I was going to make in 2004 but was talked out of it by family. Now, I blog from my website, podcast from my website, I also do a number of other things involving the website. Along with making music and even after all that still finding ways to expand my artistic education and value, after all, I live in Los Angeles.